Showers of blessings

Showers of blessing
Showers of blessing we need
Mercy drops round us our falling
But for the showers we plead

We used to sing this song in our school assembly and after years, I felt like singing this song again yesterday when it rained. It has been raining, drizzling is more like it, since yesterday and the weather is good.

When I was travelling to office yesterday, for the first time in all these days it felt like I was on a trip or something. The weather was cool, with a light breeze blowing and a slight drizzle, for once the RJ banter was tolerable and there was some great music playing. It felt great.

But the picture just fell short of becoming perfect when the car screeched to a halt and we realised that there was a flat tyre.

I have finally made up mind to complain about the driver. I had promised myself that I won't but I have realised that he is incorrigible. I can forgive the regular late arrivals and a flat tyre every second day but last night he reaches office at 12 (when I am supposed to leave at 10:30) with a car whose headlights, indicator, horn and wiper don't work. Its raining and he expects me to risk leaving from Gurgaon at 12:30 at night alone with him. When I tell him that how can we go out in the rain in a car with none of the lights working he replies, there is enough light on the roads. I am so irritated by then, that I can't say anything...

So thats that, I have shown enough compassion and today I am complaining against him no matter what...

But thank God for the mercy drops around us.

On breaking up...

Once hailed as the most traumatic experience, its not as bad if you can go ahead and do it...its just that we get so used to being with the same person that after a point it seems diffcult to imagine that you can actually be without the person.

For a while you might feel a bit lost but thats about it, once you get back to doing things on your own its not as bad. For those in long-distance relationships this is where you have the edge...there are not too many things to miss out here except phone-calls.

What I find funny however is the way men and women react to a split-up. Here however, I must specify that I am not defending nor generalising either gender, its just what I have experienced and seen...so, no offence meant.




Men however, madly, deeply, intensely in love, after the break-up the rebound happens quite quickly. When they break-up they do anything, starting from cigarettes, to alcohol, to grass or all of the above. The intenser the relationship the worse the addiction. They'll cry, howl, create a scene, get drunk (here again, the intenser, the worse the scene). And then its hardly a month or two at the max and they have moved on to greener pastures.




Women react a bit differently, most women take the first break-up quite badly, ditto men, they cry, howl, create a scene, try a attempt or two at suicide. Then being the emotionally-stronger gender they take a hold of themselves, take about a year to embark on a new serious relationship. Subsequent break-ups are however less dramatic and most walk-out with dignity.

The above behaviour is however subjective to, who dumps who, the relationship is more or less serious, married couples excluded, people not from the not-too fast lane and where both/either partner are mentally stable and not the Darr or Fatal Attraction kinds.

Here, I emphasise that I don't endorse the Devdas types. I was always of the opinion that the man was a loser and I never did understand what was the big deal about him?

I basically have a simple funda in life, as far as love and relationships are concerned, you should either be a conformist or a rebel. The caught-in-betweens are like Devdas, losers. You either chose and stick by your choice or you don't risk getting into a relationship. The ones who want best of both the worlds, usually fall flat on their face.

Anyway, I am deviating from the point. I don't advocate self-destruction for a break-up because like Sushmita said in a recent interview, "I am grateful to all the men who came to my life and left when they did." Every relationship teaches you something, it should make you a better and not a bitter person. As they say, Its better to have loved and lost rather to have not loved at all.

Sania shines...well almost

Will be leaving office, not sure whether Sania will win this match but it made me proud to see her play.

She put up such a fight and that too against a top-seeded player like Kutzetznova (i'm not sure of the spelling).

Great going!

Chaa...she lost but never mind, the fighting spirit was Great!!

Its blazing out here...

The heat has already claimed one life in Delhi and the next is going to be mine...the time I come to office (thats about at 2 in the afternoon) its the worst.

The heat wave in the North continues without any respite, and while I have the luxury of travelling in the office car, I just wonder how people risk it on a two-wheeler.

Sweat trickles down from every part of the body (so much for Delhi having low humidity) and when the hot breeze hits against my face, I'm sure that one more day and I will not survive this...but I do and the next day I am again going through hell wondering how long? Just how long?

This is the only time I don't regret working on the desk, my reporting skills can be sharpened later, if I had to move out to do a story then I am sure that I wouldn't be writing this blog today.

Anyway, office was brighter today, there was a b'day celebration and we got free cake and iced tea. I mean the others paid but since I am on the link shift, they missed me but I didn't miss the cake...Ha Ha...

So much for my greed and enjoying the free treat, I ate 2 pieces and the 500 gms that I had lost is back. Such is life and we shall live.

Its a sad day

Don't know why but everyone has been kind of feeling sad and depressed in office today...

Our Big Daddy is going, yeah thats what our boss looks like...

A lot of wickets have gone done in the past few months but now Ganguly is going and if Tendulkar also goes, then its going to be a sad scene...

A wicket or two is also likely to fall very soon...

I come in at the middle order, the opening batsmen are also getting jittery I guess...

Well, they say that the organisation is always bigger than the individual and no matter who goes, the organisation continues but some people do make a hell lot of difference...

I don't know how many feel it but NDTV is not the same after Rajdeep Sardesai quit, its lost its edge somewhere I feel...

Lets see what else happens...but everyone's feeling sad for the moment.

Bloody bond

No matter how much I hate the banter on the various radio stations the truth is that sometimes they really do play good music. Last night when I was on my way back from office, they were playing 'Rhoot ke humse kabhi... from Jo Jeeta....the song brought back a flood of memories.

Is it really possible for siblings to grow apart so much after a certain age that it sometimes becomes difficult to imagine that you actually came from the same home?

Some once told me that the person closest to you after your mother is your sibling. Its probably true. Afterall you might not have a choice here but thats the only person you share the womb with.

I wonder if anyone remembers the first time they see their bother/sister, I mean does the first time ever register...

You grow up in the same house, share chocolates (in my case bone- marrows), learn the first smattering of hi-fi sounding words, share secrets and sometimes, aspire in more ways than one to be like the other person...

And then one day things change, you go different ways and when you at times pause to think, you wonder is this the same person you shared so much with?

I guess it happens with all relationships...but the song reminded me of just this one...

The married woman Vs The unmarried man

Someone wrote that Parineeta is Devdas-revisited, both stories are based on Sarat Chandra Chattopadhya's novels and based in Sonar-bangla but thats where the similarity between Devdas and Parineeta ends...

Parineeta works where Devdas had failed...

If I understood correctly, Devdas was essentially the story of a failed lover's self-destruction. But what I saw were the bright colours, the dazzling lights, the frescoes on the walls, coloured stain-glass windows, lots of jewellry and yards of flowing sarees and shimmering lehengas...where do you get to feel any sympathy for the protagonist?

In Parineeta its all there, but the sets and the back drop don't overshadow the storyline. I haven't read the novel so I can't say but if the director has taken any liberties, they go well with the narrative and unlike in Devdas, where Chandramukhi and Paro suddenly start dancing together.

The acting was good, its hard to imagine the debutant long-haired Saif Ali Khan, dismissed as effiminate at one point of time, give a performance like this one. We have seen his comic timing but the Shekhar of Parineeta is in no way similar to the Sam of Dil Chahta...his performance is restrained and there is no overdoing of either the anger or the jealousy he feels.

Unlike, Shahrukh, who is Shahrukh no matter in which movie he acts, I can't make out the difference between, the Raj, the Rahul and the Deva (I used to belong to the SRK fan and my brother wrote behind a postcard of his I treasured, 'The owner of this is a big idiot'. I was defiant then but I would agree now.)

And if you are wondering what happened to the Sen clan, Raima can hold fort. Her performance is nothing like the one in Chokher Bali but she plays her part well.

Sanjay Dutt, like is often said is like old wine, getting better each day.

But the discovery is surely Vidya Balan, the maan-abhimaan scenes between Saif and her are almost reminiscent of the ones between Amol and Charu (in Charulata).

The smattering of Bengali words in Devdas made me cringe but in Parineeta only the characters who can speak Bengali use these words and you don't feel like tearing-out your hair like you did when you heard shotti or bondhu.

The music is good, some are basically Rabindra-sangeet with Hindi lyrics. Songs in this movie are not for smoking-breaks, they are a part of the narrative.

The only jarring note in the otherwise well-made movie is the last scene, where everyone shouts Tod de Shekhar, where everything else is so well handled, this scene essentially because it is the climax stands out like a sore thumb.

And Dia Mirza should watch-out, a few more days and she will be confused as Ash's twin, as if the looks were not enough, she has now learnt to giggle and matkofy like her. One is enough, we don't need a carbon-copy.

Travelling to Kaushambi in this Delhi heat and after spending a few 100s, I would say its worth a watch. Its not extraordinary but its definitely a good-watch.

RJ banter

I'll kill myself if I have to listen to another program of 'Tashan 91'...every afternoon when I board the car and try to divert my mind off the hour-long journey to Gurgaon in the scorching heat, invariably the driver is playing Radio City and there is Priyanka in her monotonous tone talking about college admissions on 'Tashan 91'...

I wonder why a programme on college admissions is called that, probably its called that anyways regardless of whether they are doing colleges or anything else...but believe you me, every time I hear Priyanka saying 'Tashan 91', I have this overwhelming urge to slap her...

And its not only Priyanka, most of the RJs talk such a lot of rubbish that I wonder whether they ever pause a moment to think what they are saying...the other night there was something called 'Love Guru' playing and just because it was a love programme the RJs were trying to sound...I don't exactly know how to describe it but I guess they were trying to sound seductive...but I felt they sounded constipated more than anything else...the other day, there was a couple trying to sound playful but they came through...nevermind what they came through as but after a while I felt like throwing my steel water-bottle at the dashboard so, that the banter stopped...

I don't know whether it just the distance and the timings (its always either on my way to office or from it) at which I hear the radio that evokes such strong emotions or others also feel the same... but I remember back in my college days (and thats too long ago) there used to be some really good programmes like 'Wicked Hour' and something-on-broken-hearts...

Its real a pity that the radio as a media is totally unexploited (check http://www.exchange4media.com/e4m/Radio/radiospeak.asp?rsid=41) , there is such a lot of unexplored space and all we get to hear is the meaningless banter and repetitive Hindi movie songs...

I don't have an issue with them playing songs but 24X7, all the frequencies doing the same thing, with no innovation whatsoever, thats what I have a problem with...

Anyway, we can just hope that there will be some changes sometime in the future, till then happy listening...

Hair-say

There was a article in the Delhi Times today on the 'New Lock Heroes'...on how Bollywood heroes, from Hrithik to Amir to Shahrukh are all sporting long hair these days...

Just yesterday a colleague and I were discussing the new hair-dos and she made an interesting comment on Hrithik's locks...she said it looked like 'Want-to-be-Tom Cruise-but-failing-miserably'...

Wanna be Tom Cruise or not but the dishevelled look seems to be in...

Looking at some of the pictures at the IIFA awards, I realised that a change of hairstyle really changes the way a person looks...While the Mangal Pandey-look totally made the chocolate-boy Amir Khan look anything but chocolaty...Shahrukh with his locks looks younger and very different...the well-combed long-hair looks very different from the debutant untidy looking Shahrukh.

Also, the first step in the new-look Jassi was her hair cut...

And the most remarkable of all I guess was my mother's new Urmila look, when she came down this summer, the short steps complete with the burgundy (mehendi) tinge made her look at least 5 years younger...

I guess its about time I got something done to my straight-without-a-single-wave hair...its just that i am scared to be experimental..but now, I must do something 'coz hair-say is important.

Creative ramblings

There are some stories I penned down at various points in my life, inspired by people I knew closely or at heard of...and somewhere there thoughts plagued me day-in and day-out till I wrote them down in the form of these short stories...

Since they have remained as pages of my diary for quite sometime, I have now decided to post them on my blogspot....

The stories are not meant to be creative pieces per say, they are more of how I tried to look at a story from a aspect different from the apparent one.... In Miranda house when we did the creative writing workshop with Valerie Minor, she used to tell us that we should never be apologetic about what we write...so here it is.

Beyond the Inevitable

Our small drawing room was stuffed with people. It was almost spilling over. In all these years, I had not seen so many people ever in this room, not even on our marriage...

Maaji's constant wailing prevailed over the hushed voices. Only a few spoke regarding the arrangements that were to be made. The air was thick with the smoke from the incense sticks.

I sat in the corner, my head covered. I wondered where the children were...I saw them huddled in a corner together. Juhi sobbed inconsolably, her eyes were red, she loved her father, I knew she loved him more than me. Adnan sat very close to her, he looked afraid and scared, but I was sure he didnot have the vaguest idea of what was going on. He was still very young.

I felt...I didnot really know what I felt. Beside me were my in-laws, they had a very concerned look on their face. They were worried I guess because I wasn't crying, they wondered if I was in a state of shock...I wondered too. I mean, I wouldn't really need to see a shrink? Would I? They were all waiting, some staring at me, some in a more subtle way...waiting for me to emote in some way...

He had been sick, but not sick enough to die. His death was very sudden. I wasn't prepared for it, but...well, it's not easy being married to someone you do not love, it's not easy living with a man who is mentally unstable, it's not easy wanting to walk out everyday and knowing you cannot because you are financially dependent.

Its definitely not easy living your life like a compromise...maybe, that's why I was not being able to react..but then, I had been married for 17 years now, he was the father of my children. I felt something inside, I couldnot figure out what...would I too need psychiatric help?

Maaji came forward, she was grief-stricken. He had been her only son. She took my hand in hers, the last time she had done that was when I had first come here, an 18-year-old bride- crying for all that I had left behind...all the people, all the relationships...

I couldnot understand the apologetic look on Maaji's face. I wondered why...it was part of the ritual they said. She was going to break the glass bangles I was wearing. Mechanically I held out my hand. As the two bangles splintered into pieces, I felt one dominant emotion...
Freedom.

It was then that my eyes welled up.

The rambling begins....

Inspired by Anne frank , I wrote my diary regularly but the regular scribblings have now become rare...

So ....hoping for a new beginning to passing thoughts, persistent ideas and sudden flashes.